Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
