idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Randomize
