ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
