Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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