the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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