god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
now i know why i became what i already was.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
