We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
