Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
