all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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