first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
