she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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