u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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