What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
