Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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