Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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