I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
