Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
