My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
