I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
