need another drink. this is the easiest way
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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