she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
