he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
