I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Just pee around me
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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