How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Randomize
