Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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