Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
