david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
