I just made out with a guy for $7.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
