I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
its not stalking. its research.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
So apparently I’m into choking now
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
