All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
