They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
