I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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