Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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