go do what you do best...puke behind churches
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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