i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
