Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
