You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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