My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
