Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
