My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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