if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
