The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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