I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
