I don't usually arrange sex via text message
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
