i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
