I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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