threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
