yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
