I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
