Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
